I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My life is pants optional.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
