i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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