i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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