its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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