I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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