he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
