She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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