I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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