Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
