It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
