So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My life is pants optional.
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