he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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