my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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