Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
