Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
