Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
