Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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