Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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