respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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