What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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