He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize