I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
