Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
