im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
