I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
