I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
