He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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