can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
