What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
