i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
