...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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