someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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