I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
