But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
