ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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