Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
