I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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