I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
