wat bout pragnant strippers??
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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