Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
