Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
