im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
