I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize