did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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