so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
