Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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