..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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