oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
