if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
