HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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