it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
