that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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