There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
