I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
