have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
