Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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