Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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