cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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