hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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