No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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