I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
