I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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