this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
