she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
