he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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