she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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