kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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