i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And then my night got REAL pukey
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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