I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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