in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
