So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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