My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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