Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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