Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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