He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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